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Sunday, February 13
Eastern Conference All-Stars are a weak lot

By Frank Hughes
Special to ESPN.com

SAN FRANCISCO -- So I walk into the media interviews at the All-Star game on Friday and I see Dale Davis sitting at a table and I think to myself: What is he doing here?

He's not in that shamelessly publicized 2ball contest -- and the question I have about that is if it such a good contest, and everybody loves it so much, why do they not have it at the WNBA All-Star game and get NBA stars to show up?

Dale Davis
Indiana's Dale Davis is a nice rebounder, but not a big scorer. He's also an All-Star.

I'll tell you why. Asking NBA players to take some time off in their summers to promote the WNBA would go over like a pregnant high jumper.

But I digress.

Back to Davis. He's not in the dunk contest, I think to myself.

He's certainly not in any of the rookie games.

Yeah, there are always some pretty good All-Star weekend parties every year, but then why would Davis be sitting at one of the round tables being interviewed? Maybe he is a really good partier. Of course, being an NBA player makes that a redundancy. However, I don't remember reading about him being at any of the Super Bowl parties, at least not the ones Michael Jordan was at when Wes Unseld was firing Gar Heard.

"He's in the All-Star game," one of my more knowledgeable colleagues -- which could be just about everybody -- tells me.

My mouth hangs open like the Arc De Triomphe.

Dale Davis. The one who used to be in Indiana? That Dale Davis? I mean, he's got a perky game and all, but he has less moves than Whitney Houston -- and if you watch her closely enough, she is a really, really bad dancer; if she didn't sing so well I might think she was tone deaf because her beat is, well, beat. She snaps her fingers like she has epilepsy. I bet Marty Conlon is better on the dance floor.

I mean, I knew the Eastern Conference was down this season, but I didn't know it was, like, snake-belly low. (Hey, gimme a break, I've spent part of the past week in Texas, that's how they talk down there.)

Dale Davis? That's what they've got to offer. I can name almost an entire team in the Western Conference that should have been named ahead of Dale Davis. In fact, I can name an entire team from the Westerners that didn't make it to their squad that is better than the reserves in the Eastern Conference that did make it.

Before I do that, though, I want to tell you about the one thing that I want to see in this All-Star game. Somehow, Dikembe Mutombo from the Atlanta Hawks made the team -- which is another example of their desperation.

When the public address announcer introduces the starting lineups, I want him to announce Mutombo's FULL name. "From the Atlanta Hawks, in his ninth season, out of Georgetown, center Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo." NBC would have to go directly to a commercial break after that, then go back to the rest of the lineup -- which probably shouldn't be announced anyway.

OK, they've got Dale Davis? I say Clifford Robinson of the Phoenix Suns is more deserving. He became the oldest player in league history this season to score 50 points for the first time in his career.

You say Glenn Robinson? I say Antonio McDyess, who is more versatile, more athletic and a better defender. I liken Robinson's defense to that of the French in World War II, and look what happened to them. In fact, that's why they call Robinson the Big Dog, because on defense he just rolls over.

The East has Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo? I'd rather have Arvydas Sabonis. Yes, at this point in his career he is older and more feeble, but he still is a pretty good interior defender, and he certainly is a much better passer and scorer than Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo. Plus, his team's record is just slightly better.

Reggie Miller? Please. Shooting 44 percent, and with the capability to go 2-for-27 every fourth game, I'd rather have Glen Rice, without question. Yes, Rice is having difficulty finding his way in Los Angeles, but the fact that he has to go over, get two teammates to hold Kobe Bryant down, knock him over the head with the microphone he was using in his video with Tyra Banks and rip the ball from his hands just to get a shot, might have something to do with it.

Could you imagine Bryant as the quarterback of Nebraska's offense? He'd turn it upfield every time.

Allan Houston is a political pick, because he is not even the best player on his own team. Of course, the best player on his own team attempted to (allegedly) murder his coach, so I guess I can understand that -- in the same way I can understand why Hillary Clinton still is married to Bill. But I would still venture to say that Lamar Odom already is better than any of those two guys -- as well as Bill. I mean, this dude can flat-out play, and the fact that he has slacked off lately has more to do with Donald Duck Sterling than it does with Odom.

Sure, Ray Allen whupped up on some people in his movie, and he was given the gift of being an Olympian instead of the more deserving Vince Carter, but if you get him in a game of one-on-one with Penny Hardaway, I'd take Hardaway. Yes, I know all the criticisms of Hardaway, and I fully agree, but if you are going for pure talent, and that includes defense, Hardaway is my choice. (That's mostly because the All-Star team is only for a weekend, and Hardaway can neither get the coach fired nor undermine the chemistry of the team for his own selfish benefit. Or maybe he could, but we'll never know this year.)

Jerry Stackhouse finally made his first All-Star game. If he were in the West, he'd still be waiting. Steve Francis is a much better talent, even in his rookie season. The Rockets would be nowhere near what they are right now without him.

The only player that I would keep on the Eastern team reserves is Nets point guard Stephon Marbury.

Oh wait, he's not on it.

Frank Hughes covers the NBA for the Tacoma (Wash.) News-Tribune. He is a regular contributor to ESPN.com.


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